4 Steps to Tame Your Inner Critic
Do you try to change, yet find yourself saying things like:
“I’m too old for this.”
“It’s too hard.”
“I’m so set in my ways.”
“I have no consistency.”
We tell ourselves many things like this.
And if you’re 50 plus, your mind has been chattering this goop to you for a long time I bet.
Our minds get ESPECIALLY LOUD when we go off of a DIET.
That’s when the inner critic tells us we “have no willpower” and should just give up.” And we blame ourselves for not doing better.
This leads to more dieting, or maybe more eating.
And while the inner critic gets loud when food and body are questioned, that critic can show up whenever we try to change something!
We want change to be simple.
We have all this knowledge, right? The internet, audiobooks, apps, coaches and courses. We have all this life experience.
Yet we struggle. We struggle with our bodies, and we struggle with our minds. Our mindset has been developing, and cementing, for years. So has our inner critic.
We all have one, no? It’s the voice that tells you that you can’t do something, or even worse things, when you feel like you can’t achieve something.
On the one hand, when you hear, “I can’t do that”, it’s your brain doing it’s job. It’s meant to keep you from harm.
That is why I don’t skydive.
Have you tuned in to your inner critic yet?
I met mine, the first time I hired a coach.
I had to dig out the little self sabotaging voice in there and name it.
“It” was a him.
His name was George.
He told me all kinds of things through the years.
“What are you doing?”
When thinking about leaving a job that caused me physical pain.
“You can’t do that!”
Trying to become an entrepreneur in my 50’s.
“You need to stay, you can’t raise your baby alone.”
Staying in a relationship with that was toxic.
“You’ll look stupid, besides you’re too old for that.”
Blogging, Facebook lives, just being me, taking risks.
I thought George was rational. And he did keep me on the straight and narrow. All in a co-dependant, unhealthy boundary, sort of way, being stuck and unhappy, not taking risks and BLAMING and hating MYSELF ALL THE TIME.
(I did not know about Self Compassion yet.)
Once I realized what he was doing, he started to piss me off.
Have you met YOUR little voice, your mini saboteur?
Use the next four steps to draw this voice out.
Learn these FOUR simple steps to tune in to ANYTHING and create a difference. It takes some time, and practice, but it is POSSIBLE.
Step 1: NOTICE:
The next time one of those comments come up in you head, just take note. Do your best not to listen and judge yourself. Your George may be throwing you some BS, but right now, just notice that he is THERE. Start to notice how often.
You may notice your George sneaking in many times.
George used to talk a lot to me about dieting.
“You just can’t stick to anything,” he’d say, “because you have no willpower.”
(I thought he was right, when I was reaching for something to eat.)
When your George talks to you, try not to move into the emotion of the criticism. STEP 2 will help you do that.
Step 2: Pause.
Take note of what your George says. Whatever it is, this is a time to pause, and to pushback a bit. Take a moment. Take a deep breath, and keep breathing if you need. Let your thoughts come, but try not to judge yourself, if you can.
See if the emotions that come up can ride in, and then out, like a wave.
Step 3: Tune In. But Don’t BUY in
Bring awareness, to your George, and what he is saying. And know you don’t have to believe him. Take note, notice and then move to Step 4.
Step 4: Choose.
George, who spits out these statements, may not be accurate. You don’t have to buy in to the inner critic statements.
That sounds hard doesn’t it?
Create a phrase that recognizes, and maybe challenges, your George.
Here are some examples:
"Oh, it’s YOU again.” might work.
“You’re here, but I don’t want you.” is another option.
Make your own “greeting” for your George! Yes, “F You” is fine:)
Want to go deeper?
Journal out the negative thought. Seeing these out in the open, on paper, can help you sort them out. This is especially helpful if you are struggling with body thoughts.
Check in: how your body is feeling physically? Hungry, Scared, Lonely, or Tired? These can increase emotions, and impact the little things you are trying to achieve in your day!
Having trouble with this? Here is a free and simple body scan meditation. (The version I recorded is short, for those new to meditation, and for those fidgety types, like me!
Remember:
When George starts talking, you can politely tell him, “No Thanks.”
Did this help you? Share below, or send me an email !
You can also share with me on Instagram or Facebook. I may be 54, but I spend as much time on social as my kids.